10 rules for a productive discussion about controversial topics.

1. The Prime Directive: Argue in Good Faith This is the foundational rule. Both parties must enter the conversation with the genuine intention of exploring the truth, not simply to "win," embarrass, or provoke. Assume the other person is also operating under this principle until proven otherwise.

2. Intellectual Humility: Be Willing to Be Wrong Enter the discussion with the understanding that your current position could be flawed or incomplete. The goal is to refine your own views through challenge, not just defend them at all costs. Acknowledge valid points made by the other person.

3. The Principle of Charity: "Steel Man" Their Argument, Don't "Straw Man" It Instead of misrepresenting your opponent's position to make it easier to attack (a "straw man" ), do the opposite. Articulate the strongest, most persuasive version of their argument you can, and then respond to that. If you're unsure, ask, "So, if I understand you correctly, you're saying that..."

4. Listen to Understand, Not Just to Reply Too often in debates, we're not listening to the other person; we're just waiting for our turn to talk. Actively listen to their points. Your primary goal before speaking should be to fully grasp what they have said.

5. Attack the Idea, Not the Person Focus exclusively on the merits of the argument being presented. Do not resort to personal insults, questioning the other person's character, or making assumptions about their motivations. This is known as avoiding the ad hominem fallacy.

Example: Instead of "You only believe that because you're greedy," say "I disagree with that economic approach because of these potential negative consequences."

6. Substantiate Your Claims Be prepared to provide evidence, logical reasoning, or a clear ethical framework for your positions. Assertions without support are just opinions. A good debate is built on arguments that have a foundation.

7. Avoid Making Uncharitable Assumptions Do not leap to the most extreme or negative conclusion about what your opponent's position implies. Instead of assuming the worst possible motive or outcome, give them the benefit of the doubt and engage with the specifics of their argument.

If someone says, "We need to secure the border," don't assume they are anti-immigrant. Their concern could be about national security, economic strain, or the rule of law.

If someone says, "Abortion should be restricted," don't assume they are anti-woman. Their position may be based on a sincere moral or philosophical belief about the nature of life.

8. Ask Sincere Clarifying Questions If you are unclear about something, ask for clarification. These questions should be genuine inquiries, not sarcastic "gotchas." The goal is to eliminate ambiguity, not to trap your opponent.

Avoid: "Oh, so you actually think that will solve everything?"

Instead, ask: "Can you walk me through how you see that policy leading to the outcome you're describing?"

9. Stay on Topic Address the specific point being discussed. It's easy for complex topics to branch out, but try to resolve one point of contention at a time. If you want to change the subject, do so explicitly: "That's a valid point. It relates to a broader topic I'd like to discuss, which is..."

10. Maintain Emotional Composure Difficult topics can be emotionally charged. It's vital to remain calm and composed. If you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, it's better to pause the conversation and return to it later than to let emotion derail a potentially productive discussion.