Good faith isn't just an attitude; it's a series of actions. It’s the commitment to a shared process, even when the topic is difficult. Here are the core traits to look for and to cultivate in yourself.
1. Intellectual Humility
This is the foundation of all productive conversations. It’s the understanding that your own perspective is incomplete and that you might be wrong. A person with intellectual humility isn't afraid to be proven wrong; they welcome it as an opportunity to learn.
What it sounds like:
"Based on my understanding... but I could be missing something."
"That's a good point. I hadn't considered it from that angle."
"Help me understand what led you to that conclusion."
Why it matters: It turns a confrontation into a collaboration. Instead of two certainties clashing, it becomes a mutual exploration of a topic.
2. The Principle of Charity
This is the commitment to interpreting the other person's argument in its strongest, most persuasive form. Instead of looking for flaws and attacking the weakest point (a "straw man" argument), you address the core of what they're saying.
What it sounds like:
"So, if I'm hearing you correctly, your main concern is..." (then restating their point accurately).
"I know we both want to figure this out, so let me try to understand your position."
"That's a fair point, let's talk about that."
Why it matters: It shows respect and ensures you are arguing against their actual position, not a distorted version of it. It keeps the conversation honest.
3. Separating Intent from Impact
A good-faith actor understands that their words can have an impact they didn't intend. They don't use "I didn't mean to" as a shield. Instead, they take responsibility for the outcome of their words.
What it sounds like:
"It wasn't my intention to sound dismissive, but I can see now that my words had that impact, and I'm sorry for that."
"I understand why what I said was hurtful, regardless of what I meant."
Why it matters: It validates the other person's feelings and prevents the conversation from getting bogged down in a pointless "that's not what I meant" loop. It builds trust.
4. A Focus on the Problem, Not the Person
This is the direct opposite of an ad hominem attack. The focus remains on the substance of the issue, not the character of the person you're speaking with.
What it sounds like:
"Let's focus on how we can solve this communication gap," instead of, "You're a terrible communicator."
"What can we do to fix the situation?" instead of, "What did you do wrong?"
Why it matters: It keeps the conversation productive and de-personalized. People are more willing to solve a problem when they don't feel like their character is under attack.
In short, a person acting in good faith enters a conversation to understand, not to win. They listen with curiosity, speak with humility, and are willing to change their mind. It’s a difficult practice, but it's the only way real communication happens.
The worn leather of the armchair creaked a familiar protest as Michael settled in. Across from him, on the edge of the old sofa, sat David, a man whose face was as familiar as his own reflection, etched with thirty years of shared laughter, quiet commiserations, and unspoken understandings. But tonight, there was a tension in the air, a subtle crack in the foundation of their long-standing ease.
"Thanks for coming over, Dave," Michael began, his voice softer than usual. "There's… something we need to talk about. It feels like there's been a growing misunderstanding, and it's been weighing on me."
David nodded slowly, his gaze steady. "I'm listening, Mike."
Michael took a breath. "I've heard things, felt a distance. And it seems like you, and maybe others, have a picture of me that isn't true. Like I'm… someone I'm not. And I need to set the record straight."
He leaned forward, choosing his words carefully. "I want trans people to have the same freedom and rights as any non-trans person. I want ...
10 rules for a productive discussion about controversial topics.
1. The Prime Directive: Argue in Good Faith This is the foundational rule. Both parties must enter the conversation with the genuine intention of exploring the truth, not simply to "win," embarrass, or provoke. Assume the other person is also operating under this principle until proven otherwise.
2. Intellectual Humility: Be Willing to Be Wrong Enter the discussion with the understanding that your current position could be flawed or incomplete. The goal is to refine your own views through challenge, not just defend them at all costs. Acknowledge valid points made by the other person.
3. The Principle of Charity: "Steel Man" Their Argument, Don't "Straw Man" It Instead of misrepresenting your opponent's position to make it easier to attack (a "straw man" ), do the opposite. Articulate the strongest, most persuasive version of their argument you can, and then respond to that. If you're unsure, ask, "So, if I understand you correctly, you're saying ...
In today's digital age, social media has provided a platform for people to voice their opinions and reactions to news stories and events almost instantly. Unfortunately, this has also created a culture where people jump to conclusions and make assumptions without having all the facts. This is particularly true when it comes to issues of race, where allegations of racism can quickly spread on social media and cause public outrage before all the details have been established.
The recent incident involving an 85-year-old man shooting a young black man who was allegedly trying to break into his home is a perfect example of this phenomenon. Before any information had been released about the incident, people on Twitter were actively doxing the alleged perpetrator, assuming that he was a racist who had shot the young man because of his race. However, as more details have emerged, it has become clear that the situation is much more complex than initially assumed.
It is possible that the ...
