It’s possible to understand an opinion with which you disagree. It’s a requirement if you’re trying to debate that opinion. Otherwise you’re tilting windmills.
Of course I have opinions, some strong ones. No, I don’t think healthcare is a right. I like the idea of a border wall. I think as long as what you do doesn’t hurt someone else’s right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, that should be legal. I think the government should be as small as possible. I think it’s wrong to give any advantage to any race in a truly equal society. I think we should strive for equality of opportunity instead of equality of outcome. Not everything with a racial or gender disparity is due to racism or sexism.
After reading those opinions, you’ve probably pigeonholed me into a category of conservative or republican or libertarian or something else. That’s fine. Everyone can be classified in some way. But just because I’m conservative with one opinion doesn’t mean I’m not liberal with another. For example, I don’t have a problem calling people by their preferred pronouns. I don’t have a problem with gay people getting married. I don’t have a problem with trans people serving in the military. I believe the US should have some kind of safety net to help out in certain times. I think corporations are too powerful and get away with too much. I think our government (including both Republican and Democratic administrations) is inherently corrupt.
I want what’s best for everyone, just like everybody else. With a country as diverse as ours (and yours, maybe?) we’re going to have a lot of different ideas on how to get there. We can’t find middle ground if we don’t first understand where everyone is starting.
Good faith isn't just an attitude; it's a series of actions. It’s the commitment to a shared process, even when the topic is difficult. Here are the core traits to look for and to cultivate in yourself.
1. Intellectual Humility
This is the foundation of all productive conversations. It’s the understanding that your own perspective is incomplete and that you might be wrong. A person with intellectual humility isn't afraid to be proven wrong; they welcome it as an opportunity to learn.
What it sounds like:
"Based on my understanding... but I could be missing something."
"That's a good point. I hadn't considered it from that angle."
"Help me understand what led you to that conclusion."
Why it matters: It turns a confrontation into a collaboration. Instead of two certainties clashing, it becomes a mutual exploration of a topic.
2. The Principle of Charity
This is the commitment to interpreting the other person's argument in its strongest, most persuasive form. Instead of looking for flaws and attacking the ...
The worn leather of the armchair creaked a familiar protest as Michael settled in. Across from him, on the edge of the old sofa, sat David, a man whose face was as familiar as his own reflection, etched with thirty years of shared laughter, quiet commiserations, and unspoken understandings. But tonight, there was a tension in the air, a subtle crack in the foundation of their long-standing ease.
"Thanks for coming over, Dave," Michael began, his voice softer than usual. "There's… something we need to talk about. It feels like there's been a growing misunderstanding, and it's been weighing on me."
David nodded slowly, his gaze steady. "I'm listening, Mike."
Michael took a breath. "I've heard things, felt a distance. And it seems like you, and maybe others, have a picture of me that isn't true. Like I'm… someone I'm not. And I need to set the record straight."
He leaned forward, choosing his words carefully. "I want trans people to have the same freedom and rights as any non-trans person. I want ...
10 rules for a productive discussion about controversial topics.
1. The Prime Directive: Argue in Good Faith This is the foundational rule. Both parties must enter the conversation with the genuine intention of exploring the truth, not simply to "win," embarrass, or provoke. Assume the other person is also operating under this principle until proven otherwise.
2. Intellectual Humility: Be Willing to Be Wrong Enter the discussion with the understanding that your current position could be flawed or incomplete. The goal is to refine your own views through challenge, not just defend them at all costs. Acknowledge valid points made by the other person.
3. The Principle of Charity: "Steel Man" Their Argument, Don't "Straw Man" It Instead of misrepresenting your opponent's position to make it easier to attack (a "straw man" ), do the opposite. Articulate the strongest, most persuasive version of their argument you can, and then respond to that. If you're unsure, ask, "So, if I understand you correctly, you're saying ...
